Things that don’t work for me

The title of this blog post refers to (for this particular blog post) things that don’t work for me at church. In a church I visit, or a church I frequent.

I went to University Presbyterian Church today, in Seattle. I have some negative history with this church, and it’s a tall steeple church with history in the confessional church movement from some years back. My history goes back to middle school, when I felt judged due to the lack of a two-parent family. And the fact that my mom did not go to church with me. Whether or not those judgements really happened is neither here, nor there, but it is what a 13/14 year old me felt. Then when my goddaughter was baptized here, I was expecting to be asked questions and to be held accountable for the life I was being asked to assist with. I wasn’t. I wasn’t asked a single question, didn’t have to answer a single question, didn’t say a single thing. I was displeased.

So, when I was in Louisville this last time, talking with friends about why I didn’t want to go to UPC, one of my friends said, “Well, maybe you should go to UPC, confront those things, and see if you can make waves.” I looked at her and said, “No fucking way… okay, maybe.” Now it is almost 6 months later, and I finally went. I’m going to try to broach the discomfort in a way that encourages me to ask the questions I encourage others to ask.

Back to the topic at hand: Things that don’t work for me.
In a church, things that don’t work for me are non-inclusive language and no passing of the peace. We didn’t pass the peace today! I was dumbfounded. How is that NOT part of a good old-fashioned frozen chosen service? Did I miss a memo? Did I not vote on something? We greeted one another, said good morning, but NO PASSING OF THE PEACE! That weirds me out. When I commented on it on facebook, I had two friends who passed me the peace there. I am grateful for you both, Molly and Dave (and not the husband and wife pair in Louisville!). Thank you. Next, inclusive language is a biggie for me. I don’t (and maybe I’ll open a can of worms here) think that God is only in a male or female or genderless format. I say “the prayer that Jesus taught us to say” as follows: “Our Father Mother God, hallowed be thy name…” It’s what I do. I don’t honestly know how to change it at this point in my life. I say The Doxology with God and Son and Holy Ghost. It is who I am. I don’t believe that God is only male or female. Sometimes God to me is more of a Father figure, sometimes more of a Mother figure.

So, I went to UPC. I will try other services. I can’t say that I’ll stick it out, but I will try to do so. I do need more inclusive language. I do need more peace to be passed. After all, it is the Peace that passes all understanding, the Peace of Jesus Christ, La Paz de Christo. I do like to have it passed to me, and to give it to others.

Here ends a random, off the cuff blog post, on the continued topic of church shopping. This week marks the 2nd time in two weeks I went to church. Whoa. And because I have a unique voice (it’s mine, no one else has it), I will continue to try to blog and post and talk about this church shopping I am undertaking again. I will be skipping church next week, but will be back at it on the 17th.

This evening, in fact, I’m going to go back to UPC to see what they have to say about sexuality and the bible. I’m interested in seeing if what I know of UPC from years ago is still true. And if it is, it’s really not something I can get on board with. It’s another thing that makes me uncomfortable.

« The summer of the Rum Old Fashioned.

The summer of the Rum Old Fashioned.

The Rum Old Fashioned is my drink of choice this summer. I’ve had them before, but I’ve never ordered them so many times in the space of a month. It’s been fun. I’ve had them made by Keith at Liberty Bar, by Mindy at Beaker & Flask, by Adam at Rum Club and by Zach (I think) at Rob Roy. The variety has been amazing. I asked Mindy if she could remember what she made me, and she said she’d try (where was my notebook when I needed it?! Oh, in my car. Right.). The one she made me gave my younger brother a sour face. But it was my drink – not his.

The first one Mindy made me was “funky” (that’s her word, not mine – I thought it was wonderful!). It was very vegetal and had some funky rums in it. Its base was Smith & Cross, and then had two other rums in it. It had an interesting end to it, but tasted delicious. It wasn’t super sweet, but very well-balanced. The second one that Mindy made was much more mellow, and didn’t give my brother a sour face. He liked that one. Less “funky” rums.

The night before, I had one made by another bartender at Beaker & Flask, with Smith & Cross as a base, and it was delicious as well. Not nearly as vegatal as the one I would have in the future, but I specifically requested not the Rum Club Old Fashioned – I would go over there to get one instead!

I like the Rum Old Fashioned, it’s a nice departure from a Rye Old Fashioned (which may have been my spring drink of choice). Rum adds something to the drink that Rye or Bourbon don’t – and I’m trying to put my finger on it. Maybe by the time I get the pictures up I’ll be able to pin that down. For now, though, go try a Rum Old Fashioned. You’ll thank me later.

Things that don’t work for me »« This is what inspiration looks like.

This is what inspiration looks like.

When I moved from Los Angeles to Seattle, I stopped in Portland (among other places) and finally met a woman (Heidi Swift) who I thought was an amazing cyclist then. Now I think she’s WICKED amazing. I’ve tweeted about it, and posted on facebook about it, and have wanted to do a blog post about it. I’ve been lazy though, and finally I am going to write that post.

I think maybe I’ve even been more of a chicken than lazy. I thought, “Who wants to read what I write?” And then I got an email from a friend from Australia who said he really enjoyed what I wrote on Unsuredness. So, I’m writing again.

Back to the subject at hand: Inspiration. I just finished my first Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic, and I did it as a Ride Referee. My job was to ride the route and help people if they needed it, encourage people to say “On your left” as they passed and also to not wear earbuds as they rode. I know this last one is an issue, but it’s a safety thing also. You’re riding with 10k other riders, at least in this instance, and there are cars, and who knows what will happen?! Anyway, I have never done two centuries in the space of two days, and when a friend said that she wanted to do a double century, I said “oooh, wow.” And then realized I was doing it.

I don’t think I could have done it without the inspiration of the ReveTour women. Reading their posts and stories, however difficult a time they’re having, is inspiring. Heidi and her teammates are riding the Tour de France one day prior to the official Tour. They’re doing a monumental feat of cycling. And no matter what happens, they keep going. One of the team was hit by a car, suffered a hairline tailbone fracture and has kept riding. Heidi just broke her bike today and is riding a loaner that is too big – AND SHE KEEPS RIDING. They’re riding because this is an amazing opportunity and also to raise money for Bikes Belong. Bikes Belong has a mission that is simple and awesome: to put more people on bicycles more often. (So you should donate.) No team of women has ever done the entire course. I’m kind of frustrated that NBC Sports hasn’t done ANY interviews with the team. At least some of the pros in Le Tour have given them shout-outs.

Heidi and her teammates (I keep name-dropping Heidi, because she is the only one I know personally) are an inspiration to women cyclists (I know this from the tweets I’ve gotten) and make me take myself on my bike more seriously. Women are not the same as men, we don’t do the same things as male cyclists. But we can ride bikes often, encourage little girls to cycle, and encourage our friends and our moms to cycle. This is what we must do.

It does help to have inspiration. And I thank them for it each time I go to bed and think of cycling the next day. I whined a bit on Saturday before I went to bed, at the halfway point between Portland and Seattle… and then I thought of the ReveTour women. And quickly shut up and said “I will ride and LIKE it.”

And I did.

I was ecstatic to be beyond the finish line. Picture courtesy of Kevin.

The summer of the Rum Old Fashioned. »« Unsuredness.

Unsuredness.

That’s a word, right? I wrote about being unsure for a friend’s website, which is a collection of writers, and I am now cross-posting it here. You can find the original post on Vicarious Lines.

At this time one year ago, I lived in Los Angeles, was preparing for Coachella and to take my PADI Rescue Diver course in Nicaragua. I wanted to become a Dive Master for quite a few years, and the Rescue Diver certification was the next step on that journey.

Fast-forward to April 2012 and I find myself unsure of virtually everything. I am now once again a resident of Seattle, and now I am unemployed and a Dive Master. I got my DM certification in Khao Lak, Thailand in January and returned to Seattle one month later. I find myself unemployed (which is also different than last year at this time), and completely unsure of what it is I want to do. I am unsure of what I want to do, as well as unsure of what I should do now, as well as unsure of if I made the right decision in moving back home. I know, “home is where the heart is,” but I’m not sure. I know I’m in a place where I cannot make that determination now – due to being unsure (not to mention unemployed). I find myself on random crying jags, but I wonder if that’s because I’m not working full time, and have not so much to take up my time.

I don’t feel that I’ve been hibernating, but on some level, I think I have been. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss the sun of Southern California. I miss the people I met in my 11-year sojourn in Southern California, yet I love spending time with the people I knew in Seattle – the ones I get to spend so much time with lately. I get to watch some of my friends’ kids get older and older. I get to experience the changes week to week. I get asked to babysit and use those kid experiences as another reason to not have kids now. But I don’t get to go to other friends’ restaurant openings in LA, or new cocktail bars that are opened by other friends, unless I happen to be in town. I have tried to immerse myself in Seattle’s cocktail culture (and I think I’ve done a darn good job), Seattle’s restaurant culture (I’ve probably done a less good job on this one), Seattle’s bike culture (it’s far too big to even think that 2 months is enough time!) and Seattle’s dive culture (this one is easier, if even more clique-ier). Those four things have the potential to take up tons of time, and dollars. If only I had more dollars!

But I’m not sure if they will get me to the answer I am looking for: Did I make the right decision? Was moving home the decision I should have made? I know I should not look backward, but at this point, I’m less sure of myself. This makes me sad. In LA I was a churchgoer, but in the last several years, my church community has done less of a job feeding me than the online community I built. Some of those people weren’t even “church” people – but they got me through so much. I wonder if I had more of a church community in Seattle, if that would make me more connected. I’ve tried finding a church and haven’t been successful.

Reconnecting with people has been great. I had a great time reconnecting with my Grandma last fall before Thailand, I have had a great time connecting with my sister and other friends in parts of Washington. I’ve had a great time taking care of friends’ kids and thoroughly enjoyed late summer in Seattle. So, if a job will make this not sure feeling go away, I’d take it.

The other option is to buck up and make some dreams come true. I’m working on that one. I have taken some leaps of faith in the past few days and know I need to take more. I have talents that if some company doesn’t want to harness, I need to use them to make myself happy. I am a grown woman in her mid-30s, I need to make some dreams come true.

Dream #1 for 2012 was becoming a DiveMaster – I did that. On to Dream #2 – it awaits.

This is what inspiration looks like. »« Church Shopping. Still.

Church Shopping. Still.

In the last Noelle, As She Wanders installment of church shopping, I was in Seattle. Then I went to Thailand, got my Dive Master certification, and then returned to Seattle. Then I went to Louisville, Kentucky for a General Assembly Mission Council Meeting, where Bruce Reyes-Chow piqued my interest by talking about “A Church Online.” When I got back to Seattle, I wanted to pick up where I left off, so I went to Newport Presbyterian Church, which is a very progressive and social justice-oriented church, on the East side of Lake Washington. I went to the early Sunday service, as I wanted to drive to visit with a friend afterwards. So, chances are that this wasn’t the best time to experience the congregation – there were tons of kids and families with kids. Not all of them were young kids, but I probably owe it to the church (and to myself) to go back for the 11am service. The language in many of the songs was male centered and that was rather off-putting to me, but the sermon was very interesting. This was at least a month ago at this point, so I am not sure what it was – but it got me thinking at the time!

At some point not too long after that, I was approached by someone whose name I’d heard on twitter, and who was also on the Leadership Team of Bruce’s A Church Online, to see if I was interested in being his Ruling Elder counterpart in a part of the church. I was very interested (and still am, not to make that sound only past tense!) in working with the other members of the Leadership Team, to create this church.

In terms of my church shopping, this Church Online is much more my speed. For the past few years, my church in LA was less of a place to get fed, and more of a place to feel out of place, but see friends. I always felt bad saying things like that to my former church, but as a single woman without kids in her mid-30s, I didn’t feel like the appropriate demographic. As a part of A Church Online, there is a real feeling (for me, at least) of working on being the church to those that can’t find a place in a church building on Sunday. Making the community that I’ve built slowly online into a real Presbyterian Church (USA) congregation is so exciting to me. I’m thrilled to have a group of people to connect with on a regular basis in a group, instead of “just” via twitter. Working on Mission and sacraments and all the nuts & bolts will be an adventure, but one I’m definitely feeling up to.

How do you do Mission if you’re not in the same physical region? Do we all go out and do the same thing on the same day in different areas? Is there a way to really connect mission in different regions with an online community? I would argue that there is a way to do it. I went to Nicaragua in 2006 with the Presbytery I am still currently affiliated with, along with a pastor from PingTung Presbytery in Taiwan. We were interested in working on triangulated mission. I then was asked to go to Taiwan to speak about it. Nothing came of it (that I know of), but the options are out there. We are a connectional church, we will figure it out, I’m confident of that.

A Church Online may not be for everyone. It may be something that is an addition to a weekly church service. It may be someone’s only church connection. But, this just proves that it can be for those who need it. I know that it comes at a time where I need a church, and this type of church is what I need.

Unsuredness. »« I wrote a post!

I wrote a post!

Only it wasn’t for this blog… it was for my very first LUPEC Seattle meeting.

So, here it is: LUPEC Seattle Goes to Ireland.

Maybe this will get me back into the swing of writin’… I am going to try to do better. In between job searching and church searching and all that, I am going to try to do better.

Church Shopping. Still. »« DiveMaster Noelle

DiveMaster Noelle

Go look at this picture before doing anything else. Here.

That has a nice ring to it!

I got certified! I have one more “test” to do, and that involves drinking down a snorkel. Ummmmm, I’m scared, yes, I am. Regardless, it’s the last thing I have to do. I did my rescue (my first “victim” didn’t survive, my second fared MUCH better) and my liveaboard and it was fantastic. I am so happy I came to do this here.

There is much more to write, but I have to prepare to go on another liveaboard, one that I am going to get PAID to go on. SUPAH, EH??

More photos will come when I’m back on land again. But, the flickr feed is updating as I type. So, check it: flickr de Noelle.

I wrote a post! »« The Day I Spent 500 THB on a Panettone.

The Day I Spent 500 THB on a Panettone.

Dear Blog, it’s been several days (okay fine, one month) since I last wrote. Lots has happened, but I haven’t posted. I am THIS close to finishing my Dive Master certification, but I have a few things left to do. They include a deep scenario and my liveaboard. It should be great fun. At the end of it, I don’t know what will happen… insanity, perhaps.

Regardless, back to the title of this blog. I bought a panettone. An imported one. It was 500 THB. This is the reason I find myself now babysitting on a Saturday night. Yeah, I’m exciting, I know. The sweet bread is delicious and I wanted one, from when I went to the market to get my secret Santa gift! That was over two weeks ago, so I’m still behind on things… All in all, it was delicious, and as big as my head. Seriously. I have pictures that prove this. They will come later.

I have assisted with more courses, helped with some Discover Scuba Diving courses and also have done a bit of guiding. I tried to write a map of a location I’m doing, in 1 meter visibility, and instead went back on the 1st Saturday of 2012 with another DMT (FINALLY!) and got proper measurements and also was able to see. It was amazing. After so many times of thinking I knew where I was on this dive site, to finally know where things are, from MEMORY, is wonderful.

Sunday I get to go back to the wreck where I went initially (see the post Well, That Sucked.) when I arrived in Khao Lak. I am looking forward to being able to see it – I hope. The visibility at the Bang Sak Wreck was good today, so MAYBE it’ll be good at Thai Muang on Sunday. Fingers crossed!

I have some pictures to post, and I’ll do that before I go on my liveaboard. I apologize for the lack of posts – this Noelle is tired!

edit: I posted the picture. And here’s a picture of my birthday cake, from the lovely Sarah.

DiveMaster Noelle »« Tracking backwards.

Tracking backwards.

Dear world,
Yes, I know it’s been a while since I blogged, but there have been some TV shows that have caught my eye, along with many days of work. Yes, I’m working here. It’s great. I’m paying to work. Which seems backward, but it’s life, eh?

I recently wrote down all of what I’d done in the past few days, and it went like this:
26 Nov: 2 dives at the Bang Sak Wreck, where I was supposed to map the thing, but I was pretty much unable to.
27 Nov: 3 dives of under 45 minutes for part of an advanced course – Peak Performance Buoyancy, Navigation and Search & Rescue.
28 Nov: office shift
29 Nov: Snorkel Guiding in the Similans
30 Nov: DMT lecture #2
1 Dec: Scuba Review at Khao Nayak – this was dive #100 and then #101. YIPPEE!!
2 Dec: DMT lecture #3

Saturday, 3 Dec, I started assisting with an Open Water course, which is a requirement for my DMT. It’s also good to go back over everything.

I was so excited to go to the Similans, even for snorkeling. After all, that’s why I’m here. THE SIMILANS ARE RAD. Of course it would have been better to have been diving, but Snorkeling is a requirement of my course as well! Every day I get to knock something off my schedule. There was a lovely US couple on the boat, who came diving with Sea Dragon the next few days. It’s so funny to meet people from the US who are on extended trips. All of our countrypeople always are stunned when you mention you’re going away for any time longer than 2 weeks. We have it much less awesome than the rest of the world! There was also a woman who is a scuba diver, but had her daughter with her, so she was snorkeling. She was so glad her daughter enjoyed the snorkeling, due to the fact that she misses scuba diving. It was fun to be with them as the daughter learned about the fish in the water!

On my scuba review assist, my instructor, Stephan, showed us where a baby box fish lived. OMG I LOVE THEM. As you may know, I have two tattooed on my back. So, yes, I love them. It was so cute and wobbly. (p.s. I need to get an underwater camera – but someone needs to sponsor me.)

I’m still a bit frustrated – if you are friends with me on the facespace, you’ll know that I posted that I am supah buoyant. It’s true. I am. My feet and legs like to float. I did some skills with Stephan in the pool the other day, including practicing hovering and my fin pivot. Stephan tried to tie my ankles together while hovering to get me to stay in one place. And then Stephan put 1kilo weights around my ankles. And I was FINALLY able to do a proper fin pivot. But good gawd it takes a kilo of weight around my ankle to get me there?? Now to practice the hovering. I was almost crying I was so frustrated.

I think one of the things that I’m having a really hard time with is doing everything so slowly – when I, as a DMT, model something, it has to be done instruction-level-quality, and slow enough. More exaggerated than most things. It’s hard for me, apparently. Ugh. Frustrated. Anyway, as I get to practice more, I hope to get better. It’s difficult, because I have no one to practice in the pool with. Usually there are at least 2 DMT candidates on a course (you may recall that I was supposed to have a classmate), so you can go into the pool and practice. But, as a solo student, I can’t go into the pool and practice alone. So, I’m on a mission to get more practice in, with other people who are in the office.

That’s the ONLY way I’m going to get anything done! And I have to get certain points to pass. ARGH!! Maybe I don’t want to go back to school.

Anyway, today is more Open Water class, starting in the pool, so I have to go get on that.

There’s a small part of me that misses the holiday season and being with family. Mostly the being with family. But the rest of me is okay with being here and missing out on the crazy, crass commercialism. I heard a few Christmas songs a week ago – and now I want them back.

My flickr feed has some more pictures on it. And I keep forgetting my camera. So here is the link again. Noelle’s Flickr Feed. I will try to do better!

The Day I Spent 500 THB on a Panettone. »« “You are very buoyant.”

“You are very buoyant.”

Yes, this is true. I am very buoyant. So, the fact that I say I need more weights than you think I do is true!

Over the past few days, I’ve had to do some tests and some review. I finished all my knowledge reviews – including Chapter 9, which is the hardest chapter out of all of them – it’s all Dive Theory. There are questions about halftimes of tissues, absolute pressures, partial pressures, etc, etc. I didn’t do badly, but man do I need to work on my Dive Planning table work! There will be a test much harder than this soon.

I had to run through the skill circuit that goes for teaching students how to dive. There are 24 skills (mask clearing, hovering, taking off and putting on of your buoyancy control device – both at the surface and at depth, etc.) that I have to be able to reproduce with demonstration quality moves. So, I’ll work on that. I did fairly well for the first review, but mask clearing and hovering are huge issues. I hate having my eyes open under water (I have hated it since I was a kid) so it’s difficult I can keep my eyes closed, but I have to get much better and demonstrating the removal and clearing.

After the skill checklist, I had to tread water for 15 minutes, including 2 minutes where you had to hold your hands up to the sky. I told my instructor that it wouldn’t be a problem and he said – just wait till 10 minutes have passed.

I’m still waiting. The truth of the matter is this: my butt is so buoyant, it has a hard time not popping to the surface. I have to really learn my buoyancy better and figure out the weights – and how to situate them!

I was the victim for a rescue course for two days – it’s only fair that I now be the victim as I had my very own DMT as a victim in Nicaragua. Their beach rescue stuff was SOOOOO much nicer than mine. We had clear water and no surge and no waves. It was pretty great. For them. On Friday we did the actual scenarios. I got to hang out under water for a bit and just chill with the fishes while I waited for Sylvie and Andre to come find me. It was kinda fun. I got to see an Emperor Angelfish and some shrimpies and some other fun stuff. I was almost at the end of where I was supposed to go up, but they ended up finding me (after the almost full 15 minutes). I drank a bit of water when I was being given rescue breaths at the surface, but I have lived to tell the tale. We saw a pipefish on the second dive – it mostly looked like a piece of string, but one of the other instructors showed us that it wasn’t. Fun stuff!

I met a woman who is the CEO of Planned Parenthood for WA, ID and AK yesterday – that was great. She was in Laos giving away some money in the Phonsavan area, and decided to come down here for a few days of diving. Good times. All together now: It’s a small world, after all…

Today is mapping – I get to write down some details of fin kicks, and cool things to look at, on a wreck. I’ve been there before, and I like it, so looking forward to it. I’m also going with a DM that I’ve never gone diving with before. I think learning from various DMs and instructors is a good thing to do. Each of them have little tips!

I also think my computer is a bit confused. All these short dives are making it confuzzled. Up, down, up, down. Get with the program, dive computer!

Tracking backwards. »« Diving still wins!